Today I am writing direct from heart .... So beware of making any conclusions :D ... as I have a damn strong brain and will to control my heart ... So what you see here is not my perceived self ... but what I am actually deep within ... as in Inside-Out (there goes Bryan Adams crooning his heart out)
I don't like society. I rather hate it. Why ? Because it has always kept my inner thoughts and wishes at leash ... Abhinav unleashed would be much more unsocial, a near-psychopath, a selfish, a quick-fun-acquiring yet an outwardly-humble guy with a sinister smile ... Devil Incarnate :D
Society has always kept killing something inside me ... this why I started hating the very source of this civilization and rules based living ... your so called fucked up concept of God !
I didn't like when I was rated ... against some people who were directionless ...
I actually liked some fellow human beings as they were really beautiful ... enough so that I would hanker for them ... But then I kept moving on ... even one single hint of indifference from them sent me into a state of reflective indifference ... actually narcissism ... yet again ... And then I started telling myself - They are losers ... They don't kow whom they are missing out ... :D
Rest all people went to take oil ... I am what I am and I will be always me ... !
Then came my academy ... my turning yard ... a long turning on lathe and subsequent metamorphosis ... On 5th October 1999 the entire hostel danced on some random music medley and wished me a happy and long life ... I had never been center of attention for such a large crowd ... that night changed me forever ... I realised the strength in me as a soul ... realized that actually I was the winner at birth itself ... afterall I was the fastest sperm out of millions who wished to fuse the ovum first ... I started loving myself more ... It can actually whack your entire psyche ... It did to mine at least ...
And then the ships and the beauitful oceans ... I fell in love with them the moment I saw them for the first time ... they were just so grand ... like a sublime magnum opus with all possible epic sequences, dialogues and moments ...
But all this while ... I kept my animal instinct intact ... deep somewhere ... though by now buried away from this indurate and (rather) blood-seeking society ... only unleashing it in flashes for my selfish yet humble growth trajectory ... While I moved into a desired state of emotional bonding ... Which initially came across as a covalent one ... which later ... only due to this society - turned into a real ionic one :-) I tend to ignore follies made here (My circus ... my monkeys) ...
By that time, guided solely by worldly desires of fulfillment, I kept running ... only until I realzed my animal started turning impatiently in its own grave when it heard some faint murmur of like-minded souls above the hard lid I had put over it ...
Now ... when I am already engrossed into this mad rat race ... one day ... just like that I asked my animal ... would it plan to come up again ?
It said - "No ... You have been running fine ... You may actually go on to be a winner in this rat race"
"But ... Would that bring me happiness ?"
"Who knows, Abhinav ? ... Would you see your actions in so selfish light ? ... At times ... even this rat race is mis-contrued and mis-represented ... you need to dive deeper ... to see what actually matters to you"
He seemed logical ... and of late - firm ...
And then I realized that ... Come What May ... I won't be able to come out of rat race so easily ... the decision to participate in rat race is actually solely driven by a sense of responsibility ... The responsibility of being a God to someone ... And not the fucking idol and texts and pilgrimages that people push onto fellow humans just to score a long-term-business-actually ...
But I made a pact with him ... I would talk to him ... and try to keep him alive ... if he dies, I would die too ...
So today - Just to soothe my animal ... I planned to make a laundry list of interactions that touches him :D ... I would be back ... ;-)
(Now ... Who am "I"? ... Ha ha ha ha ha ha) ... The self diffused like a thin smoke into air ... and I woke up ... only to find you staring at my blog and trying to make a sense of what kind of man I am ... Well, only suggestion - Don't try ;-)
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iUZRSeqzz8
2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Vcd9PDsdIs
3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN5dP3BZALQ
4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDJP49awOcg
5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS-DkrZBdxA
6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGMEx2bEyKM
7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRxmgHdpXYA
8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGpd1V8YYT0
9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqQ6BF50AT4
10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjWuOtHGJck
11. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcKl4LzMzzs
12. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBw_JSiNF9c
13. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnSNXzTXsF0
14. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bCAd59yH-o
15. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YzW1nMB9fk
16. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ejga4kJUts
17. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwtdhWltSIg
18. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TO48Cnl66w
... Now feeling sleepy (due to another night-out) as well as rejuvenated after such a dose of good music :-)
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